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Aggression, Attachment, Behavior, Behaviour, Emotional Outbursts, Empathy, Fear, Meltdowns, Parent Anger, parenting, peaceful parenting, punishment, relationships, Respect, Responsive Parenting, Teens, Trauma, trust

Teenage Angst May Be More About Fear Than Attitude: Fear responses, and how they can impact teen behaviour

January 18, 2019 — 0 Comments

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“People who don’t see the value in unconditional love and acceptance have not experienced it. As a way to make peace with their need for love not being met, they resolve to believe that love is not necessary. They will pretend emotional security does not hold value, but that is only because it is something they lack within themselves. If they acknowledge that unconditional love and acceptance are beneficial to the development of emotional regulation and sense-of-self, they also acknowledge their own brokenness, and that is often too scary and too painful.” J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #parenting #unconditionallove❤️ #loveunconditionally #senseofself #emotionalregulation

Parent Question from Quora: How do I reach my child’s heart if he/she is seriously set to make a decision that I know, as a parent, would hurt them? One of the hardest things to do as a parent is watch your child make a choice that you feel is going to be harmful. It really depends on your relationship with your child and their temperament and personality, how to best go about discussing the choice with them. Remember that if they are excited and feeling passionate about this choice, and you express concern, it may come off as judgement. This could just push them further towards the choice, as they may feel misunderstood and judged. Our children want our approval, but they want it for things that are meaningful to them. When you have the discussion ask lots of questions and try not to offer advice or suggestions, instead allow your child to engage in their own thought process, while you demonstrate unconditional support. Questions like “how do you feel about this choice?” “Why do you think you feel that way?” “Do you have any concerns?” are a good start. Also reassuring them helps them to know they are capable of making a thoughtful choice. “I know you will make the choice that is best for you.” “I will always love you and support you. The choices you make will never change that.” Also for after, instead of “I told you so” try: “We all make mistake, it’s what you do after that defines your character” #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #familymatters #familytime #closefamily #intuitiveparenting #instinctualparenting #mindfulparenting #mindfulmama #choices #parentingteens #mistakes #mistakesarelessons

“Watching your child do things you were not allowed to do as a child can be a major trigger for irritability. No matter how much you have decided to be a gentle parent, when your child starts breaking societal rules that you would not have gotten away with, it can become extremely difficult to cope with your own feelings. Recognizing the root of your frustration is the first step to processing it without letting it overwhelm you.” J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhoodeducation #earlychildhoodeducator #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #mindfulparenting

Q: Are typical parenting strategies really not necessary when responsive parenting is practiced? A: While I do agree with this, I hesitate to use this narrative because it sets up the expectation that if you are a responsive parent, your child will not “misbehave.” The truth is, it’s about something much deeper. It’s about accepting your child for who they are and not trying to change them. Because there is no effort to “fix” the child, the typical discipline strategies just don’t make any sense. They are counterproductive. But without that mindset change, parents get frustrated because they are suppressing their feelings all the time to try and be gentle and their kids still act like kids which can seem like a three ring circus sometimes. J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhoodeducation #earlychildhoodeducator #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #mindfulparenting

“This next generation we are raising, with all this insight and empathy, are going to provide a gateway of healing for next generations. But not every child from this generation will have that same opportunity to celebrate their individuality. Many families will continue to value conformity and obedience over authenticity and unconditional love. These families are not cruel and heartless they are likely scared. Scared to go against the grain, scared to not conform themselves. Conformity feels very safe for many people. But it keeps people stuck in a frame of mind where they are working for external acceptance. Conformity is about caring so much about fitting in, that we sacrifice our own unique traits, or suppress them, to be accepted by others. It is a fear response to our need for attachment and connection.” J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhoodeducation #earlychildhoodeducator #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #mindfulparenting #meltdowns #empathyispower #reflectivepractice #conformity

“When you are a parent of a traumatized child, I think the natural instinct is to protect them from the world. However, this will only reinforce the message that the world is a place to be feared. Instead of surrounding your child with anxiety, fear, worry and doubt, surround them with support, a sense of security and unconditional love and acceptance. When a child knows they are safe at home, they can begin to feel safe in the world again.” J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #familymatters #familytime #closefamily #intuitiveparenting #instinctualparenting #mindfulparenting #mindfulmama #PTSD #trauma #childhood trauma

“When we try to teach our children how to “fit in” to society, we inadvertently send the message that conformity has a higher value than authenticity. Ineffect, priming them for a life of mediocrity and unhappiness, as nobody ever feels like they “fit in” when they are not being their authentic selves.” J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #peacefulparenting #childdevelopment #momblogger #mindfulparenting #mombloggers #attachment #parent #earlychildhoodeducator #earlychildhoodeducation #mindfulmama

A little poem about goodbyes. To Say Goodbye, Or Not To Say Goodbye Why should I say goodbye, when I know she will cry? Why should I say goodbye, when I know how it will feel? Why should I say goodbye when I can just sneak away, so sly? Why should I say goodbye when I can pretend the pain isn’t real? Because she cannot pretend, her pain is too deep. She cannot suppress her feelings, her sadness she cannot keep. What she needs is you, to hold her as she cries. Let her know it’s ok to be sad, and give her the most loving goodbyes. And as you both weep, as you separate for the day. Remember all the love and security you taught her by being so brave. J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhoodeducation #earlychildhoodeducator #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #mindfulparenting #daycarelife #backtoworktomorrow #matleave #matleaveover

“Having a sibling gives a child such great access to practicing these conflict resolution skills. Outside the home, you are not always there to guide them and the children and adults they interact with may not approach these issues in the same way. Practicing at home gives them the skills they need to handle similar situations in the real world, without you” J. Milburn Exert from Responding to Squabbling Siblings: We Are All On The Same Side Link to article: https://wp.me/p9YDgq-5i Or visit my website link on my profile #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #mindfulparenting #parentanger #emotionalintelligence #siblings #siblingrivalry

“Being a parent is not about creating a perfect world for our children. It is about providing them with the love and support they need to feel valued and safe in this very imperfect world that they are living in.” J. Milburn #responsiveparenting #peacefulparenting #gentleparenting #attachmentparenting #attachment #attachmenttheory #motherhood #parenthood #momblogger #mombloggers #earlychildhoodeducation #earlychildhoodeducator #earlychildhood #childdevelopment #childdevelopmentspecialist #parenting #parent #childhood #momlife #mindfulparenting #empoweringchildren #parentingmemes #parentingjourney #parentingtips #parentingquotes

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